thermalwind | Life Aftr IC Inbox

[ the trial of forgiveness was not a trial. it was her personal hell. dying once was bad enough, but being put through that over and over again by her own teammates--by her own persona--the wounds may have scarred, the the wounds on her heart and soul are open.

when she sees keith, there's barely any acknowledgement. no wave, no chipper "hey, keith!" like she usually gives him. only a girl who's been broken down too many times to count. she chose to stop keeping track after the second time.

she'd passed. she made it. but the rewards will never be enough to make up for all the damage that'd been done.

the only way keith knows she sees him is because she is, quite literally, looking at him. and when he gets close enough, if he decides to approach, she looks away. ]

Hi.

[Keith walks slowly. He still has memories of what happened when they tried to be fast. He forgets it when he sees Ann. Her eyes are dull and unseeing. Keith picks up speed, switching from a slow stroll to fast distance eating strides. He reaches her and comes to a stop.]

...hey. What happened?

[ she sighs heavily. the wounds are still so fresh...and running into him not long after escaping her own personal hell means that she's emotionally and mentally vulnerable, exhausted, and checked out.

so checked out that she doesn't say anything. it looks like she tries to, but whatever ann wants to say is replaced by a quiet sob. her hands are clenched at her sides. her eyes shut and well up with tears.

immediately, she starts rubbing at her eyes. ]

Sorry... I...

It's okay. [He forgets everything but the moment. Keith gently grips her shoulder.]

It's okay. [He repeats as he steps closer, standing between her and anyone else around. Ember lands on his shoulder and spreads his wings to further shield her. Kosmo circles around her side.]

Whatever you need to do, we're here to help you.

[ the warmth of ember's wings, the softness of kosmo's fur, and the touch of keith's hand remind her that people are here. she doesn't have to go through this alone. and yet, she's been holing herself up in the cottage. the only person who's seen her at all the past day or so is minako.

if keith looks, he'll see two scars that were once bullet holes on her right arm. three on her left. burn marks. god knows what else she's hiding underneath her clothes.

she starts to cry, and ann moves forward to wrap her arms around keith. she really doesn't know if he's fine with being hugged but it's not something she's thinking about right now. of course, if he wants her to back off then she will--but in the moment, this is something she didn't realize she needed until now. ]

[He expects it when the first hitched breaths start. He is caught off guard by her stepping forward and seeking safety. He opens his arms as she wraps her arms around him. He closes his arms around her and tugs her a little closer. She can lean on him for strength. He lets out s small thrill and Ember moves from his shoulders to hers, gently shifting to shield her face from view.

He plants his feet to endure standing for a while. She needs this. As her friend he can give it to her. He wants to fix her pain but that’s not possible. All he can do is this.]

[ it's enough. she knows that nobody will be able to take away what the trial did to her. ann will apologize to him later for staining his shirt with her tears, but for now, she just cries it out.

eventually, when her crying starts to subside, she pulls back a little and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. ]

Sorry, Keith...

Nothing to be sorry for. [He loosens his hold on her but doesn't let go. If she still needs the support he can hold her up for a little while longer.]

We all need a hand sometimes. [Shiro had said that when he needed it most. It's only right that he pass it on to Ann when she needs it.]

If you need this, just do it. I'll hold you up. Those trials were pretty rough.

...Okay.

[ that's something akira would say. she knows that they're two different people, but something about what keith says makes her feel at home again. she misses akira, the phantom thieves, shiho. but that she can find home here as well--not the horrible world they currently live in, but the people in it--it will do wonders in soothing the pain in her heart.

it's not going to go away right now. but keith just being here and willing to be her strength in this very moment means more to her than she can ever say. she was raised in an environment where she was encouraged to keep her feelings to herself, and without the phantom thieves' support, the habit's resurfaced. she wants to say something...but she doesn't know what.

she's still tearing up. the scars are still raw, and it's clear she hasn't even attempted to try and heal them away with carmen's power. her hands curl around keith's shirt and she tries to steady her breathing. ]

It was so horrible in there... I... I don't even know what to say...

For trials meant to better us. They didn't really share their lessons with us. It was...different from my trial at home.

[He holds steady as he watches her. If she needs to cry on him again he's ready for it. Ann is strong, stronger than she knows. But even the strongest of people need the support of others.

It took him a long time to learn that.]

...and what does bad elevator music have to do with patience??

Not at all.

[ and seriously, fuck forgiving kamoshida. he doesn't deserve any ounce of that. she'll probably need to cry on him again soon. ]

God, I just... [ she starts shaking. yeah, she starts crying again, sooner than expected. ] I don't--I don't know how to deal with this! Dying over and over again? What the hell is that supposed to teach us?!

Gods and spirits don't seem to get death isn't a way to teach anything. [He gently guides her away from where they emerged, intent on taking her back to his temporary camp.]

We had to all stay together in my trial. We couldn't rush anything. One room literally tilted you towards a pit if you did anything at faster than a walk.

[ that's fine. she'll follow him. ]

We...we faced visions of people we hadn't forgiven in mine. They did everything they could to rile us up so we'd attack them--and every time we did, those attacks bounced back.

[He wraps his arm around her back, his left arm free to draw a blade. If something comes at them she won’t need to fight. He would kill it instead. Kosmo falls in step with him as Ember stays on Ann’s shoulders. If he needs to pull away to fight they will protect her.]

The trial of forgiveness? [He asks, as he moves from. A steady walk to an assassin’s east stride. Just like his mother taught him.]

That’s...Sounds like how we got punished for rushing. We were chained together towards the end. We had to work together or we all got fried.

Supposedly. But the "forgiveness" part was a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.

[ she appreciates the gesture. the three of them are making her feel safe. she folds her arms across her chest. ]

Working together... I tried--I tried to help the others. And I just... Laurent... [ died right in front of her. it wasn't a pretty death, either. ] And Washington--he didn't mean to, I was just too late...

[Washington. He closes his eyes. He will check on him later. Keith draws her towards the manapool.] So they baited you into attacking and then your own attacks rebounded.

[Anger twists in his stomach. He works through it with each step he takes. He considers how to approach this. Then he knows.]

I thought we would be given the choice to walk into the trials willingly. But Storyteller is unique, I guess. And this is nothing like the Trials of Marmora.

...Yeah. And...our attacks also rebounded on whoever was around us, too.

[ which explains what happened with washington, at least. and ardyn. ] I...I used Carmen, no holds barred, on more than one occasion. So...yeah. [ she gestures to the burn marks on her arms. ]

Is it really the Storyteller who came up with all of this?

[He shakes his head.] No, the bird deity. They were all about judgment and told me about the trials when I talked to them on Maati.

[Carmen. He'd seen her power before. The thought of that rebounding makes him wince. He tightens his hold on Ann, protective urges rising up. He can't fix it. All he can do is gently support her.]

...what do you want to about...burns?

Edited 2019-01-17 08:41 (UTC)

I want them to go away.

[ she grasps her hands together and squeezes them. she doesn't want to see the scars anymore. ]

I just--every time I try to summon Carmen, I just think about everything all over again. I can't do it.

[She can't use Carmen without remembering being hurt. He internally winces. How can he help with that?]

...take your time with it. Let yourself deal with what happened. We can work on making Carmen feel safe again later. ...let's focus on what we can do.

I can teach you field medic first aid if you don't know how.

...Okay.

[ she hates feeling like this. she really feels like she's being such a burden to him right now. ...she stops in her tracks and looks up at him before she pulls him into another hug. ]

Thank you, Keith...

[He blinks then relaxes, wrapping his arms around her.] Any time. Friends support each other, right?

You helped give me something to focus on when that fake shade of dad was around. ...and reminded me not to push people away. No matter how afraid I am of losing them.

[She reminded him of how important bonds are. He will never forget that.]

Now it's my turn to help you.

[ he says that, and ann feels tears welling in her eyes once more. she helped him. she did something good for someone who's done nothing but be kind to her since they first met. and right now, she needed to hear that. more than ever. ]

Keith... You sap...

[ but she's hugging him tighter. she's so glad they're friends. ]

[He puts a hand to the back of her head. She can’t see his face so the relief on it is hidden to her. He made her feel even a little better. That’s something.

It’s a step. He lets her hold onto him for as long as she needs to.]

We all are a little sappy eventually, right?

Fine... [ she sniffles again, pulling away to wipe at her eyes. her voice is stuffy, but he'll still be able to see a glimpse of her humor peek through her sadness: ] You're way sappier than I am, though.

[ oh, ann. ]

So... First aid. Right. Can we work on that later? I'm just... [ she sighs. ] I'm not really in the mood for it right now. Sorry. I know I'm being a downer.

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