Keith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thermalwind) wrote2018-07-27 08:56 pm
thermalwind) wrote2018-07-27 08:56 pm
Entry tags:
Life Aftr IC Inbox
Need to contact, Keith? Do it here. Just put date in the header.
Need to contact, Keith? Do it here. Just put date in the header.
Need to contact, Keith? Do it here. Just put date in the header.
no subject
He shoves it down. She smiles at him and he takes her hand in his. They have both been damaged by life in different ways. But they are not made of their hurts. All the good and bad together makes them up.] Yeah.
I owe you why I left. [He draws her over to the water they keep for washing and drops down to his knees. He can see Shiro’s face when he told him what happened. His grey eyes had widen then swallowed all the grey there was.] After...after pop died. No one gave me a chance.
I met Shiro one day and he saw in me all the things I never would have believed I had. He gave me a second chance and it changed my life forever. At the time we lost him. I was torn two ways. I didn’t know where I belonged and I definitely didn’t think I had any business leading you.
Was I Paladin? [He clears the sand from his eyes and they glow the familiar yellow.] Was I Blade? Where did I belong? And...if I did lead, it felt like accepting Shiro was gone.
So I couldn’t even let Black in. But everyone was depending on me. They needed me to decide things but I didn’t know what to do. Even for myself.
[He had been drowning in the deep end. Without the light that once been patient. Without the support. But he won’t lay the blame on the feet of others.] a i should have cleared my head. Set priorities. I should have done so much. Instead, I nearly got you all killed time and time again.
[He looks at her and there’s guilt on his face. It has the look of years of holding it in.] Some leader I was. But my head started to clear a bit. I was starting to get used to it. I started trying to do my best for all of you. Then just as I started to think it would be okay... we got Shiro back and we fought constantly. I wasn’t your leader. I was the doll in the chair. I begged him to take Black back. He kept telling me I could do it.
Then shutting me down when I tried to make decisions or decide our course. Everyone followed him. I was just enough of a leader now I felt disrespected. [He holds up a hand to forestall any talk as he cleans his face.] He wouldn’t take Black back so I turned to the Blades for training. I just had to get better but....just being rank and file. Doing the missions I felt we should be doing. Learning what it is to be Galra. I felt that sense of belonging. So I started focusing on that. Focusing when I should have been adapting what I learned and make everything right.
But I saw how much better you all were without me. Lance didn’t fight anyone. All of you were just...peaceful. I never meant to hurt anyone and I’m sorry I got so lost in the Blades. I should have focused on all of you. But [He looks away and it comes back. Years old but a hurt that goes down to the soul. He had never found anywhere to belong. Then the one place he felt he could...]
Shiro finally took Black back. So a I left instead. It felt better that way. I didn’t belong with the Blades either but that doesn’t matter. I came back because I knew you would need a leader. I saw glimpses of the future in the Quantum Abyss. I asked mom to train me. She trained most of the Blades. For two years I prepared for whatever was going to happen.
I’m not going anywhere without all of you. It’s my job to keep your safe. I won’t fail that job again.
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You can't imagine all he's done for me.
...That may be true, but now things she saw but never commented on were starting to click into place. Shiro had been his only support when they all should have been. The entire group had failed him in that respect, and any protest she may have had fall with the bits of sand down her hair as she bites the inside of her lip.
They were not peaceful. It had felt like a piece of their family had pushed away from them without warning when they should have known better. At least, that's what it had felt like to her. She wants to argue all the points he makes, but he holds up his hand and she stops again. Let him finish, a voice mysteriously like her mother's says in the back of her head and she relents. When he is done, she gently places a hand on his upper back. She should have asked rather than lecture him about his training with the Blades. And then he spent two years training and trying to figure out what went wrong.]
I know you won't. [She says it in pure faith and trust, finally breaking the silence.] ...You remember how lost I was on what to do when we first met? To Coran and I, we had just lost everything but one another and the mice... and at the same time, everyone looked to me for guidance.
[It hurts to admit; it hurts to open up, but they've let him feel isolated and alone for so long, she does so to show there is at least some common ground. Even if it means acknowledging something left unsaid.]
You don't need to apologize. Every leader makes mistakes, and we never gave you a chance to settle into it as we should have. [She looks at him with the same grief in her eyes. She feels as if she should have known but had been too stuck in ten thousand decaphoebs ago.] You are not alone in that. For example, I nearly led us into giving the other transreality comet to the Alteans in the other reality, and I am the one who led us into an alliance with Lotor; an alliance that will cost so many lives now that it is fractured.
...Even my own father was not perfect. [It hurts to admit; hurts to say that, but even his AI had admitted he'd been wrong to send the Lions away. She lowers her hand and clasps both of them together in front of her.]
None of us took Shiro's disappearance well. Lance and I were both settling into our new roles at the same time, and we never truly adapted to working together in our new formation. After you left... we were not better. We all started to realize something was wrong with Shiro. He got angrier easier, refused to listen to the group as a whole and continually left us in the dark when anything concerned Lotor. And Lance, he never stopped seeing himself as just a boy from Cuba. ...He told the mice that.
[Along with having feelings for her, but she isn't ready to think of that or if she might feel the same way. Especially not when the wound Lotor left had been ripped wide open again.]
...I do not understand all the jokes that the others toss around, and I cannot express how much your planet confuses me sometimes. Yet that has always been a beautiful part of the Paladins of Voltron. We all come from such different backgrounds, yet we all are united by both goals and camaraderie. I'm sorry for my part in pushing you away. The Black Lion chose you. He wouldn't have if he didn't think you couldn't lead us and you didn't belong.
no subject
By right and by the fact she knew the most. But her words match Shiro's from that long ago conversation. They'd sat at the fire as Shiro spoke with frustration lacing his voice. The apology from that time still haunts him. He jerks his head up at the admission of guilt over the alternative Alteans. But he says nothing and doesn't protest that. The point of Lotor however. He says nothing and not even his face gives away his thoughts on that.
Lotor had lied and deceived them all. The admissions keep coming. He says nothing and focuses on her words as he washes his hair and lets it hang loose down his back. He slips off his Blade armor and washes that too. It keeps him from saying anything about Lance.
He has a lot of suspicions about their friend and he has to figure out a way to show Lance he means just as much as anyone else. He'll have to involve the whole team. With Pidge missing that's one brain they really could have used. It's just the three of them for right now.
He towel dries his hair and leaves the armor to dry then turns back to her.] If it helps, I don't always get their jokes either. But you're right. We all have something to give to the team. There's the six of us, and we have a lot we can learn from each other.
[He shifts and smiles at her.]
...I know Black chose me because I can do it. I know that now. I won't let you guys down again. ...and maybe we can help each other feel less lost. I can teach you modern Galra if you'll teach me Altean. Maybe if Romelle shows up we can both teach her the stuff she doesn't know about the universe.
no subject
She knows. Lance had told her as much before Keith contacted them again after he went after Shiro alone and Pidge stopped the virus. She should have been suspicious after everything he did to manipulate them before, but... she let herself get close. Loved him, and still does. She dries her hair as best she can and her armor; trying not to laugh at the thought that comes to mind at the offer. (She fails.)]
Of course. ...Perhaps without the Altean alphabet song. I'll admit Earth's number system is confusing as well.
[She pauses, before her smile turns just a little bit mischievous.] So, did Lance ever tell you about a game Coran dragged out called Monsters and Mana?
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[Like a curious cat his attention focuses entirely on her. She said the magic words. He always loved action anything as a kid. It made sense to him. Fighting makes sense. This sounds like a fighty kind of game.]
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Monsters and Mana is a tabletop action/adventure fantasy game where we create our own characters and assume their roles during the game session. It is a tad like some of Earth's video games, but the course is guided by one person at the table known as the Lore Master. They play all the extra characters and the monsters, and force the players to think of creative methods of counteracting their plans and obstacles.
Most of which involves fighting and strategy~ [Does she have you interested yet, Keith.]
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So, we create these characters and battle within our roles against a scenario the Lore Master makes. I take it the Lore Master also sets objectives and goals?
[A note of that eagerness slips into his voice. He wants to hear all of it. This sounds cool!]
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Yes, they do. Though some things do need to be made up on the fly, considering how the players may... [A pause.] I believe the Earth term is "throw a wrench in the works"?
[Bless her; she's trying.]
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...I've actually heard of that one. Yeah, that's the right phrase. Uh...do you want help with your hair?
[He holds up his brush. It's well kept and clearly cared for. He looks a little awkwardly at it then back at her.] I'd be careful. I promise.
no subject
...Sure. [She blinks a few times, but turns around with a sheepish smile crossing her lips.] I trust you.
[With far more than simply a hair brush. Though now she's contemplating something...] Have you ever had your hair braided, Keith? It's certainly starting to get long enough to do so.